I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
