The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
