Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
