I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
