So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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