she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
