Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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