and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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