I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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