Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
