ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
