Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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