Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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