Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
