Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
