i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
