i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
