btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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