idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
