What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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