I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
