Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
