I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
When are your genitals available?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
