The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
In other news, I just burned my penis
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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