When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Green mimosas i think yes
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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