God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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