Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
