Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
