we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
