I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
