remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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