my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
