Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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