I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
nutella sex= disaster
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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