Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
