Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
