she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
