i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
