I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
