I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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