i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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