Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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