You really coming over, don't trick.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
