Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
