You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
