i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
