hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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