It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
