Buhtt sex?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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