whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize