Well douche your snatch and let's go!
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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