Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
