So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
