the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
