He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
