I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
accomplished twins. life is a go
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
