He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
