PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
