Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize