Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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