I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
