I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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