i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
