I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
