so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
