So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
