she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
