so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
